My friends forbid me
to drive home because I was clearly drunk. But it was my stubbornness that fail
to cooperate. Halfway on the road, my vision started to loss its power. All I
could see were blurry roads, lights and sign boards. Without any warning, I
lost control of my steering wheel and the car went swerving on its on. Before I could
pull the hand break, my car went lurching towards another car ahead of me. I
was thrown forward violently, the seat belt biting into my chest and knocking
the wind out of me. The sound of raining glass echoed in my ears as an airbag
exploded in my face.
After locating a
spare knife near my seat, I poked through the airbag forcing it to burst. I
check myself for injuries and my nose were bleeding. Several large bruises were
starting to bloom on my hip, arm and thighs. Somehow, I was still dopey. With
the help of my strength, I unfasten my seat belt and grabbed the handle. My
legs were numb and excruciatingly painful but I had to identify who was in the
other car. I stumbled and dragged my feet towards a crumpled, dented black CRV.
The bumper and headlight were badly damaged. That stench of regret crawl up my
spine, I wonder, "Are they alive?"
My heart pumped
rapidly, my stomach tangled, tears start to stream down my cheek, all I could
hear was my heavy breathing and I was devastated with what I had witness. A man in
his mid forties with his wife at the passenger seat and a toddler at the
backseat. All demise because of my reckless behavior. I heard the police
siren from afar, and I collapsed on the floor. With the thought of serving in prison
through my college years for killing a family disappointed and weakens me.
The ticking of the
clock was getting on my nerves. Every second, every minute, every hour felt
like forever. I was in pain, literally in pain just staring at the blank and
dull white painted wall. All I could think of is what is next? There is so many things in my life I left incomplete. For example, making my parents proud. I never did that, and judging by where I am right now, I never will. My fear of loosing their trust again grows bigger, somehow I should have expected this. With my behavior the night of the accident, who in the right mind can ever rely on me? I am a perfect model of a failure.
"Kara, come down this instant!" My father summons me.
As if the very essence of life itself did not suck at that particular moment, I was not in the mood to bicker with him about my attitude. Before I approached him, I found my mom staring at a painted canvas near the window. "Mom?" She stared at me with a slight anguish of grief. I spent so much of my time outside with my friends and neglected her. I had a feeling akin to regret but it did not prevented me from repeating it. Before she could hardly string a sentence, my mind forced me to move forward, leaving my mother forlorn. It was an apt decision to make, I could care less.
"Don't you ever walk on me like this! There is a limit to everything! Kara, listen- " He warned me with a stern voice but I shut the door behind me and left him without completing, as always. I grabbed a cigarette from my jeans pocket and lighted it up. The nicotine coursing through my veins and I was relief. All my problems disappear, no more headache, quarreling at the background, it was the perfect escape. It was December three years ago, when I lost my sister, the only sister I had to cancer. Nothing was the same anymore so do my innocents. Befriends with the wrong group of peers, got addicted to drugs at the age of fifteen. I was heartbroken, naive and was ready to do anything to get rid of my sadness.
My mom held my hand during her first visit at the prison, and as expected my dad was nowhere to be found. He must be so disappointed at me. With my sister gone, he wished I could magically take over her position and become the perfect daughter she was. But the truth was, it was not that I do not want to, however it is because I could not. A replica of her would mean she is gone for real. I took out a piece of paper from my breast pocket and unfolded it. My mother's face wrinkled and was curious with what I had planned on confessing.
And I started, "Never in a million years I thought, taking someone's life could be an option. Seeing that it happened to me, I am lost for words. The paradise of my childhood loomed before me at times and I saw a free spirited little girl who dream of becoming someone in life. She promised to bring affluent into the family and live in a fairy tale life. Until something made her stop on her tracks. She misread the situation and handled it in a different way. An unhealthy way that drive her family to fury and despair."
I vividly remember the day when I stood in front of my classroom and made a list of promises. I muscle my way and stole my teacher's attention and manage to earn a spot at the center of the classroom to share. "I promise to keep my family happy in all circumstances. I also promise to love and cherish them while I could. Besides, I promise to study hard and become somebody in life so my parents would be proud of me and I promise to never let anyone down."
Looking back at those words seem to trickled back and I sounded like a hypocrite. Though this tragedy changed me tremendously and I am remorseful for my wrong doings in life. I made few more promises to my mother as she is now wiping off her tears. "Furthermore, I promise to renew my unsavory character, I promise to be a better daughter, I promise to earn the believe you both had in me, I promise to never look back and walk straight ahead and I promise to be happy, very happy and as the saying goes, the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything but they just make the most of everything that comes along their way."
With that, I folded the paper into four and place it under my mother's hand. I told her to convince my father with what I wrote, and that two years from now I would be free. Away from prison, and into the future carrying along the promises I had made. She stood up and gave me a hug, as if she was never going to see me again. Her raisin shape eyes filled with tears and I saw something which I had never seen for many years now, it was faith. She believed in me and she knew my intentions were pure. That I will be a changed young lady, and with that, she flashed her beautiful smile at me.
